社会这么乱,如何守住婚姻?

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社会现在这么乱,我能守住婚姻、守住属于我的爱吗?我很怕自己不是个智慧的女人。

没有人生来就是智慧的,那种与生俱来的处心积虑,只是算计,不是智慧。
智慧是一定要经过痛苦,在泥泞中开出花来,才能叫拥有了智慧。
不过我知道你的忧虑是,你不想经历那些痛苦。那么今天,我就跟你分享我的看法,或许我们确实可以把痛苦发生的可能性降得低一点儿。

具体要怎么做呢?
首先,你要明白这世上没有人是”你的”。丈夫不是你的私有财产,孩子也不是,孩子和丈夫都有一个名称叫”别人”。所以,无论如何你得对别人好一点儿。
丈夫跟你是契约关系下相互陪伴的人,能否陪伴到老、你们的契约关系质量如何,要看你们各自对契约有多重视,为契约的存续有过多少付出,以及当一方违反了契约的时候,你们是否有解决问题的能力、是否有原谅、有和解、有让步,是不是有两个人都认可的违反契约后的惩罚但不伤害关系的机制,或者是不是能彼此友好的解除契约关系。
我反复在强调”契约”这两个字,是因为在夫妻之间,假如你时刻提醒自己他跟你只是签了契约的合作者,当婚姻出现任何问题的时候,你就不会愤怒得想要把人撕碎。只有合作的好不好、以及不好要怎么办,不存在对方对你不起,就罪该万死,该下地狱。

而孩子也不是你的,孩子对一个功能健全的家庭来说,他就像是来这个家里借住的。长大了他还是要走,要有他自己的生活。
只有功能相当病态的家庭,孩子才是这个家里最最重要精神支柱。孩子是父母的私有财产,父母双方也会为了争取孩子的爱,一辈子较劲下去。
而明白了老公孩子都是”别人”,至少,你会有努力经营关系的心。
其次,你要带着成长的心进入婚姻和养育孩子。要明白任何婚姻都是会出问题的,婚姻里的问题也并不仅仅是”外遇”。假如你们感情基础不够牢固,平时又不知道如何经营,任何问题都会成为你们的导火索。
而好的婚姻,不是没有问题,而是夫妇二人有解决问题的能力。所以,不把婚姻看成一劳永逸的事、在婚姻里多用心,就会让婚姻少了很多触礁的机会。

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