为什么只有中国男人包二奶?

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“二奶”这个词语最早出现在南方沿海城市,大约是从粤语里演化而来的。封建社会人们管男人的结发妻子叫“大奶奶”,第二任妻子则叫“二奶奶”,而粤语的古语遗风是一直延续至今的。
男人包“二奶”图什么
西方欧美国家的男人也会有婚外情,但包二奶的情况却少之又少。他们大概不能理解中国男人为什么要把自己辛苦赚来的钱无偿赠送给妻子之外的女人,要为她们购房置地,甚至有些人还要与她们生孩子,然后回头与和妻子所生的孩子争夺财产。并且深受宗教思想洗礼的西方男人,对自己的婚外情并不会有理所当然的感觉,反之他们常常在被发现之后痛哭流涕,急着要挽回自己的婚姻。
而中国男人则不然,他们往往公开地与妻子之外的其他女人同居(即包二奶),还要理直气壮地要求妻子和二奶共事一夫,且要求妻子不可以流露不满的情绪。像金庸笔下的韦小宝那样怀拥多个美女,享齐人之福且大家能够和谐共处,是许多中国男人的梦想。
如果不与欧美国家男性做对比,人们又会简单地拿基因传播来说事了(虽然也有部分原因)。其实包二奶现象里,有很大成分是中国两千多年“妻妾婢妓浑然一体”的封建文化遗风。
在古代,只有那些有钱人才能三妻四妾,所以有妾侍对于重面子的中国人来说,是一种身份和成功的象征。项羽说过一席流传至今的话:“富贵不归故乡,如衣锦夜行,谁知之者!”,所以古人素有“衣锦还乡”的习惯,否则他们认为那财富就失去了其应有的价值。
那么一个男人如果有了钱,他成功了,该如何才能让周围的人知道呢?他不能随时展示自己的存折,也不好意思在自己脸上写“我是有钱人”,那么他们常用的办法就是买房置地,穿金戴银,然后就是娶几房妾侍了(今天的男人们则是买别墅、名车和包二奶)——这样才能显露得他是成功的,有身份有地位的,有能力的,值得尊敬的。
经济学家说,当一个男人创造出剩余价值后,其内心的不平衡和不满就日益显现出来。
在封建遗风的基础上,男人还容易有一种思维就是:我创造的价值多了,我就理应享受更多,占有更多,只有这样才能体现出我的能力和成就。当一个男人取得的物质财富大于其能够消受的数量以后,他就会夸大自己应该获得的权力,内在潜伏着的征服欲、占有欲和权力欲也开始膨胀,所以开始大胆梦想“家里红旗不倒,外面彩旗飘飘”而不被惩罚的生活状态。
古人说“饱暖思淫欲”,那些还在为了基本的生活材料而努力奋斗的人不会包二奶就是明证。
当下社会人们精神世界的空洞,也是男人之所以会包二奶的催化剂之一。
有朋友讲给我听国外的一部电影,说有个玩世不恭、满口脏话、生活混乱的人,可是他的职业竟然是推销《圣经》,我听完不禁莞尔:多么鲜明的对比,导演的思路真是很奇妙。可是朋友跟着的问题却让我不知道该怎么回答,他问我:“如果那个人是中国人,他可能会在卖什么书呢?”,我想了半天,觉得让他卖《论语》不合适,卖《庄子》也不具代表性,可是也不能让他去卖《金刚经》啊,主要是有几个中国人会去读《金刚经》呢?反正我就没有读过。
国人信仰缺失的论调已经喊了多年,但直至今日也不见有任何改善,有一项统计说中国人一年只读四本书,且这些书里面专业书和工具书还是占了大部分。有些人甚至一年都不读一本书,在这种情况下,信仰这种精神层面的东西会从哪里冒出来呢?
没有了信仰,没有了精神上的追求,人就会感到内心有巨大的空洞,会有一种整个人飘摇在空中无法仰赖的感觉,此时人就会随波逐流,并逐渐变得神经麻木。内在空间太过空虚,人们便只好试图借助外在的刺激(包二奶、婚外性)来让自己麻木的神经有所震动,从而体验到一种“我还活着”的虚假的自我存在感。
年轻的男人比较少会包二奶,那是因为他们依然自觉有魅力,不需要靠钱色交易来彰显自己。而到了迈近四十关口,恐慌于衰老的男人会觉得,青春的面庞可以让他觉得自己依然魅力不减。
这同样可以用来解释那些非要娶小自己二十多岁年轻妻子的男人心理。人们都说女人害怕衰老,尤其是网上许多拿女明星昔日嫩照与今天已经有些年龄的照片做对比,然后幸灾乐祸地说她们都老了,老了真难看。但是人们却不知道,女人确实是惧怕衰老,但她们只是惧怕外表的衰老,而男人惧怕衰老,怕的是身体活力的衰老,尤其是在滚床单这件事上的能力衰退。
在惧怕的程度上,后者比前者更甚。
不过年轻的新鲜的身体确实在短时间内能够激发男性的性能力,让他体验到自己那久违的雄风,因而产生一种“她能让我更强”的错觉。可是毕竟男人已经不再年轻,最多十五年后,五十多岁的男人无论如何也无法匹敌三十多岁的女人,那个时候他就只能用钱来填补自己由于性能力不足而给女人带来的空缺。有些女人会权衡一下觉得心理上的平衡也是平衡,但有些女人就会再拿这些钱去购买更年轻的男性身体,以达到生理上的平衡——从人性的角度来说,这是无可厚非的。
最后,男人之所以会包二奶,除了男人本身的问题,他们的配偶保护自己婚姻的能力不够强大也是其中一个原因。

也许是中国女性“男尊女卑”传统思想的原因,也许是每个包二奶男人的背后都有一个不善于管理婚姻关系的妻子的原因,也许是中国当下社会的发展让妻子们觉得,自己已经无力阻止丈夫的行为的原因,也许还有其他我们想不到的原因,导致包二奶的男人的妻子无法奋力保护自己的婚姻,这是值得社会学家关注的一个现象。

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