“地铁”开往春天

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地铁上,小然心事重重地坐在位置上发呆,偶尔看看车窗外,她觉得自己最近的生活与心情也如这隧道一样黯淡。她的脑海中回想着这次面试的前后经过:面试前,她本想向身为职场老手的丈夫讨教应对面试的技巧,但想到那些所谓的技巧很多都是教人如何骗人的花招,而自己是一名基督徒,主耶稣教导说:“你们的话,是就说是,不是就说不是;若再多说,就是出于那恶者。”(太5:37)自己应该按着神的话实行说实话,不能欺骗人,至于能不能面试成功,都在神的手中,若是不成功定然也有神的心意。

小然心里默想着神的话,就去面试了。面试官提了很多关于专业问题,小然深知自己绝非面试者中的佼佼者,但她还是根据自己的真实情况直言相告。一切进行得都很顺利,当她觉得差不多已圆满地完成了这次面试时,面试官笑着说:“我们还想了解一下,您为什么要离开之前工作的医院呢?”听到这个问题,小然心里一紧,他明白面试官的意思是想通过她的回答,判断她在原单位有没有不良的工作记录。小然稍作停顿,随即回应道:“我年龄越来越大了,不想值夜班了,再说……现在医患矛盾越来越严重,医生不好当啊……”一直都表现得很坦然的小然突然这样欲言又止,让两名面试官都有些诧异,他们疑惑地互相看了看,没有再继续问什么。

随着地铁内的一声报站,小然的思绪被拉了回来,她有些烦躁不安地倚靠在座位上,不由得又回忆起几个月前的那件事情……

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那天晚上,小然在医院值班,她给一个重症患者换过药后,就回到了办公室。当时是夜里十点半,想到还有十几个病程记录没写,她赶忙坐到电脑前忙碌起来。十一点左右,护士打来电话说:“刚刚换过药的病人头痛得厉害,要求换一下房间或者搬出单间。”小然听着护士的话,凭经验判断病人是脑梗塞急性期的表现,很容易感染,不适合搬出单间,出于为了病人安全的考虑,小然拒绝了病人的要求。但让小然没想到的是,当她把手里的工作处理妥当,去看望这个病人时,病人的意识很模糊,经检查是病情突变,发生了脑溢血,后来经抢救无效而死亡。

事后,病人家属以小然延误了治疗时机为由,向医院讨要说法。但经过医院的多位脑科专家研究表明,基于患者的病情,即便小然当时提前赶到了现场,也不可能延缓患者病情的恶化,阻止患者的死亡,因为这种在原有病情基础上突发的脑溢血,不是人力可以控制和挽救的。虽然事实如此,但小然还是觉得没有第一时间到场确实是自己不对,为此,她深感自责。

后来经过协商,事件以医院退还家属三万元住院押金而了结。这件事结束不久,医院的人事部提醒小然和医院的合同到期了。小然经历了这次事,觉得这个工作的压力真的好大,她有些累了,想换个工作环境,于是就没有续签合同。

回忆伴随着小然的思绪跳跃,再次定格在刚刚结束的面试上。她没有想到面试官最后会突然问及她辞职的背景,而她也没有想到自己竟然隐瞒了事实真相。

地铁在飞快行驶,注视着车窗上自己的影子,遗憾与懊悔在小然心里蔓延开来,她突然想起神的话说:“人为什么玩诡诈呢?就是为了达到自己的目的,达到自己所要的目标,然后就采取一些手段,一采取手段就显得不正大光明了,就显得不诚实了,这时候就流露出人的阴险、狡诈,或者是恶毒、卑鄙,有这些东西人就觉得做诚实人特别难,如果没有这些东西,那你就觉得做诚实人容易。”(摘自《做诚实人应该与人敞开亮相》)

神的话语点醒了小然,细细想来,自己当时对面试官没有说出实情,就是因为对自身利益的患得患失。她因害怕自己那段不光彩的失职经历影响到这次应聘,危及自己以后的职业前途,于是就下意识地回避了事实真相。想到这儿,小然的心里很难受,她心心念念想做个诚实人,没想到在利益有可能受到威胁的情况下,还是会身不由己地以说谎来掩盖事实。她所流露出来的是天然的诡诈本性,这个本性是撒但败坏人,深深种在每个人骨子里的东西。她意识到以往自以为是个很诚实的人,原来都是假相,自己距离做诚实人还差太远!她觉得自己太需要神的拯救,太需要神话语的审判、洁净了。

回到家,小然又看了一些关于诚实人方面的神话语,有一段神的话说:“如果在一个背景下或者在一个什么环境下,你觉得你那么做很智慧,或者是很有理由,或者理由很充分,最后这么做出来了,做出来之后自己还觉得满有道理,也没有懊悔的意思,到晚上省察的时候,或者有一天得着开启、得着责备的时候,你就觉得当时说那个话的理由也不是理由了,应该改变这种方式,那这时候应该怎么实行呢?好比说,你对谁做了这个事,你是在欺骗他,或者是说的话里面有掺杂,或者有自己的存心,那你就找到他去解剖,你说:‘我当时跟你说的那个话是带着我个人存心的,你如果能接受我的道歉请你原谅我。’就这样解剖、亮相。”(摘自《做诚实人应该与人敞开亮相》)

神的话让小然轻松起来,她明白了神的心意:做诚实人首先要解决自己说话做事的存心与动机。当意识到存心不对时,就不要急于说话做事,而是要查找导致不对存心的根源是什么,然后再寻求神的心意与要求,寻求在这事上神会怎么看,自己又该如何祷告求神帮助自己背叛不对的存心,带领自己往做诚实人的标准上去努力配合,相信常常这样实行操练,就能在做诚实人上越来越有长进了……小然这样想着,她在心里默默地做出了一个决定……

几天后,小然参加了复试。她向面试官陈述了自己离职的背景和心里的真实想法,两名面试官与另一位在场参加复试的医生都很惊讶,他们想不到在这个人人都带着面具生活,为了渔利而逢场作戏的社会上,还有能主动承认自己说谎、主动暴露自己不光彩一面的人!待他们惊讶过后,小然从他们的表情中看到了钦佩之意。那一刻,小然心里的石头终于落了地,她心里最强烈的感受就是:能按神的要求做诚实人,感觉真好!令小然意想不到的是,资历平平的她后来竟然被这家公司录用了,薪水比预期中更高。

又是在回程的地铁上,小然想起自己最近的经历,她想到了主耶稣的话:“凡听见我这话就去行的,好比一个聪明人,把房子盖在磐石上;雨淋,水冲,风吹,撞着那房子,房子总不倒塌,因为根基立在磐石上。”(太7:24-25)小然在心里暗暗告诉自己:从今往后,要坚持实行神的话,相信神会带领自己看到神的更多奇妙作为,认识神的信实与可爱,自己渐渐得着了真理作生命,不就是如同把房子建在磐石上了吗?明白了神的心意,小然莞尔。地铁快速开往回家的方向,小然觉得自己黯淡的生活也正在驶向明媚的春天。

杨静

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