优雅男人

2008年2月13日 ¦ 2,655 瀏覽 ¦ 作者: 夕子
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身边经常可见奇形怪状的男子。有的人貌似风雅,西装刻意不穿一套,白衬衫的袖扣都是轻盈的贝壳材质;但是一开口却夸夸奇谈,从小时候赢得幼儿园的系鞋带比赛到在工作中如何技压群芳博得老板的青睐。谈到酣时,面前的桌面好似都湿了一片。有的人豪放不拘,叉着两腿好似可以从中间随时窜出一头斗牛;却在付帐的时候因为区区几钱小费跟WAITER拍桌吵闹。

男人无趣到只能用气焰嚣张的吹嘘谈话来充实自己,证明这个社会的价值观已经畸形到很奇怪的程度。多话的男人总归有些幼稚,这种幼稚却并不是童真。而女人身陷在这样的男人之中,对于未来和人生的选择余地已经少之又少。

优雅男人,最近和朋友一次聊天中提到这个字眼;竟然引起他的哈哈大笑,“优雅”变成一个引人发笑的古老字眼,这是我意想不到的。如今重提优雅,难道已经变成一个遥远而陌生的话题么。

所谓优雅,并不是听几张复古的唱片手拿红酒西装大衣雪茄而包装后的假面男人。

优雅是一种人生态度。可以耐心去养一盆花,每天侍弄清水浇花施肥等它慢慢开花。可以静下心泡上一杯茶、煮上一锅汤、养活一缸鱼、看完一本书、 不开车走路去一个地方;这也是一种优雅。这远胜于去酒吧左拥右抱、嘻笑怒骂,夜夜笙歌。优雅的男人是沉默而不多话的,他们心底有对自我方向的认定并不随世俗的眼光而左右自己前进的方向,也并不会因为外界的种种诱惑而偏移自己的人生轨道,它是一种执着自信的人生态度。

优雅是一种自信和淡定的气质。因为经过大风大浪的洗礼,对于周遭的生活可以保持一种宽容平静的心态;不会因为旁人的言语动作而轻易激怒,他带给周围的是一种温良宽厚的气氛。优雅的男人专注于工作,他们会用一生的时间做好并完成一件事情;他们忠于自己的情感,对待自己心爱的人是一份发自心底的关怀和尊重;他们不会精明算计,很多事情付出并不为求回报,因为忠于自己,所作所为只是自然流露并不刻意做作。

干净、健康。很难想象一个头发零乱骨瘦如柴或者肥油满肠的人有何优雅可言。

经常健身或是运动的男人,他们的心态也是平和向上的。肌肉平衡脊背挺直的男人毕竟还是讨人欢喜的。常常一个人去野外走走、简单行囊不带相机头灯手杖一些无谓的装备;徒手去爬一个无人的山、走一条未开发的古道;人在大自然中会抛却很多伪装和做作,经常接触自然打开自我的男人才会在焦躁的社会里保持一份平静的心态。这种月明风清的气质,不是靠用贝壳装饰袖扣可以达到的优雅态度。

优雅的男人对于感情深沉但不热烈。他们懂得如何自律和恰到好处。优雅的男人不会使女人有烦躁不耐烦的感觉,他们清淡而不冷淡;他们炽热但不热烈;他们帮助你发现生活的美好并尽情享受而并不直接引领你。他们懂得一张一弛,他们的感情显得有重量。

优雅的男人热爱并尊重父母和朋友。他们不会去亦步亦趋跟随父母的指令,他们坚持自己的人生方向但绝对尊重并考虑父母的建议。

他们相信任何美好的生活都靠自己的踏实努力,而因为这种艰辛的努力会舍弃很多东西;他们对于“孝”的定义是向上努力的生活而不是每天的耳鬓厮磨。他们会影响父母朋友,让他们也去寻找一份人生目标并活得乐观而积极。

优雅是正直是善良是乐观。优雅男人,让优雅丰盛而真实起来。

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11 條評論

  1. 2008年2月13日 14:25

    送给优雅男人们:) 

  2. Andrew

    2008年2月13日 23:42

    文笔太好了,赞

  3. 咕咾肉

    2008年2月14日 00:04

    美文——就算是给我们的新年礼物了

  4. 平常心

    2008年2月14日 01:38

    你人很美,文章写得更美,这是我第一次回贴.希望有机会和你聊聊.

  5. 枫林鸟

    2008年2月14日 12:02

    很好! 顶!

    很巧, 最近我也正在想着写一篇类似的关于男人的文章. 看了你的就更有启发了. 谢谢!

    我曾因工作关系和很多华文记者打过交道. 我在中国新浪开博, 交个朋友吧: http://blog.sina.com.cn/cathylguo

  6. 2008年2月14日 12:21

    “优雅是一种自信和淡定的气质。因为经过大风大浪的洗礼…”,正因为现在的生活已经难有大风大浪,所以,除了个人禀赋极好外,大多数人(男女皆然)已经很难真正地优雅起来.

  7. tingting

    2008年2月14日 12:38

    I am lucky my husband is a man you described.

    He is humorous and elegent, he has a good looking but never show up.

    But he has a weakness, he is not rich enough, and the most important he is not interesting in struggling to earn more money.

  8. 小小草

    2008年2月14日 23:08

    今天看到好多男人排队在一家著名【店址处于不起眼角落】巧克力店【平时异常冷清】。 路上偶遇不同肤色男人手捧3朵玫瑰【不是很奢侈】,一脸虔诚期待模样。 心下慨然:虽然不会跟风作此举动,还是觉得他们有一些优雅浪漫。敢在众目睽睽之下手捧鲜花自由行走。

  9. 风也

    2008年2月23日 03:13

    先优而后雅;优秀是社会性的. 我想说…如果在逆境中还能保持自信和淡定,更应算是一种优雅.

  10. QD-Wang

    2008年6月28日 23:45

    Let me tackle the issue on when and where to find this gracious man for somebody of your age:

    The gracious man of your dream is more or less what has been called “culture gentlemen” in the western society. He has to have a reasonable social status and sufficient financial means. A man without such status and means, in any case, can not afford to be gracious. He would be kicked around in the society and has to struggle for his bread. Your description of a gracious-man is more likely to be used as an excuse for laziness, and he is more likely to end up eventually being a pathetic loser.

    With rare exceptions, people with such reasonable social status and money in their twenties are inherently from their parents. Unfortunately, these are more likely spoiled brats. They lack the experience of hardship that is necessary to make one gracious according to your standard.

    There is a group of people reached their early success in society on their own, either with their exceptional talent or exceptional luck or both at their late 20’s or early 30’s. They, however, are most likely egoistic, arrogant because their own proud has not been tamed yet by the kind of hardship normally encountered by others. In these you are going to find a very successful man but most likely also a self-centered asshole. Forget about them.

    Now you are moving to the people in their at the very least late thirties and early forties. There you will be able to find such grace as you described. Now they are mostly married, faithful to their spouse, and is enjoying their hard earned good life without bothering to even pay much attention to the naive dreams of a relatively young girl of your age.

    So be realistic. You are not going to find a true gracious-man of your description in this world right away. The best you can do is to find someone of your own age, with the potential to become the gracious ones. Your will then need also some luck, and you need to join his struggle of life to eventually get the grace out of him: this is the one your make, the one you keep and the one you enjoy for the rest of your life. At the end of your struggle, you will also find that you have grown and become a truly gracious woman.

    Do not dream in finding your gracious men. Find someone of your age, join his struggle in life. With a bite of luck, you might find one day that men of your dream is on your side holding you hand, and you as a woman, though has lost your youth and beauty, are equally gracious.

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